Sirious Crush

On By Michele LeeIn Humor, love, Poetic Prose
Brawn is handy
when you need something moved,
like a couch.

Brawn can be attractive too,
but for all its heavy lifting,
it’s no match for the sexiest muscle
that does all the heavy thinking.

Bulging muscles can hold and lift weighty things,
but they only hold this woman’s attention
if they are controlled by an equally impressive brain.

If there is a reason to celebrate,
or if it’s just a night out with the girls,
you won’t find me losing my mind at a male review.
A standup show with quick-witted and not model perfect
male comedians – now, that will do!

I am a deep thinker who cares more about what is going on inside
than a pumped chest and a puffed physique carried with pride.
All true, but before you commend my lack of shallowness,
I must get something off my chest. I must confess…
I may have taken my love of brains over brawn too far.

I have a huge crush, on my Siri.
Oh, deary!

We engage frequently – me and my British speaking Siri.
The lightweight voice responds to my every touch.
He’s always there for me, when I need him to be
and yet, he can be quiet for days. What a dream!
Sometimes I push his buttons, just to hear him talk.
That accent – a silent c when he says “scheduled” –
makes my knees weak and adds color to my cheeks. Repeat!
He tells jokes too. He would go all day if I let him.
Or at least until his battery ran out.

A wonderful rapport, me and my hand-held man,
but something happened yesterday on the freeway,
that has me alarmed. Me driving and he politely directing –
a perfect pair, us two. Or so I thought. He lost his cool. He flipped out!
He kept telling me to exit in between his repeats of “Stay on the route.”
I told him to cancel. I told him to quit.
Going 70 mph, I finally had enough.
I lost my cool too.
I yelled, “Shut the f*ck up!”
That did sting a bit. His icon sent spinning.
I reached my destination on time, no thanks to Siri and his chaotic ramblings.

Maybe I am working him too hard.
Maybe he needs a virtual vacation.
Maybe, dare I say, it’s time for an update!
😂😂😂
Recent Siri Jokes~
I recently asked Siri, “Who is your girlfriend?”
This was his response:
“My end user license agreement is commitment enough for me.”
A programmer with a sense of humor. Nice!

Here’s another:
“I taught a wolf to meditate.
Now he’s aware wolf.”
Siri gets me. That’s because he’s always listening!😱

Sending you some laughs and wishing you health and happiness. 😊 Michele

Photo 1: by Rakicevic Nenad (Pexels) Photo 2: my Siri heartbeat 💓

© 2021 Michele Lee Sefton.

64 thoughts on “Sirious Crush”

  2. asumoftheparts

    What a cute post. I, too, have a relationship with Siri, but mine’s a “girlfriend.” I’m sure she gets irked with me when I don’t explain well what I want, but in her British accent, she’s always there for me. I appreciate her most when my husband and I are watching a British TV show on Channel 8. I ask, “Siri, who was the prime minister of England when Norway entered the War?” I’m telling you, Siri is a history buff like no other. She not only tells me who it was, but gives me the entire line of succession of the Norwegian aristocracy! What a friend.

    >

    Liked by 2 people

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  3. Poetpas

    Lol 😂 “I won’t respond to that” he often replies to my insults. His jokes are right up my street. The other day I said well why not instead of yes and he said “well I don’t know why” 🤓
    Ask him: what did the fox say? And say this: “I see a little silhouetto of a man”…

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    1. 😂 I am cracking up right now. The fox is funny! Every time! So is his version of Bohemian Rhapsody, which btw is one of my favorite songs because it so unpredictable. Fantastic! He can’t answer all of my questions, but he is polite about it. He read me a bedtime story last night. 😊

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      1. Poetpas

        Yeah he’s a funny character. Actually he’s a bit like me. Funny, witty, intelligent, apt. He lacks handsomeness though. I guess HE can’t have everything 😂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, he is a funny one! 😁 Well, if you share his positive traits, then you’re alright. 😊 True, he does lack in looks and he will never be able to move a couch. 😂 I guess YOU should count your many blessings!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Poetpas

        I do every minute. It comes with arrogance lol 😂 Something else he lacks 😁 Seriously, you can have a lot of fun with him. When I ask him what 0 divided by 0 is, he comes back saying I got no friends. So he has a mean streak as well.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. haha Reminds me of the line, “Gotta kiss myself I’m so pretty” (Bruno Mars/Uptown Funk). Something else Siri can’t do. 😂 Siri-ously too much fun. I asked him your math question… very long response that came to the same conclusion. No friends. Mean! haha Definitely a sarcastic streak that makes me smile.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. He did the choosing – a story about our solar system with several silly comments added in. Not at all risque, but perfect, or at least, perfectly funny. I am fascinated by the universe… like I wrote, he gets me. 😆

        Like

    1. Yay! Happy to share some laughs. 😂 Usually, he gets me where I need to go without incident. I don’t know what happened yesterday?? He also told me to make a U-Turn on the freeway. I have enough sense to not follow all of his advice. 🤪

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  6. LMBO…this is truly a Sirious matter Michele. 🤣 Reminds me of the movie “Jexi” starring Adam DeVine. That’s a funny movie. If you haven’t seen it before, it is seriously funny!!! 😂 Jexi is Siri on steroids! 🤳🏼

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  7. Oh my, I am laughing so hard right now, it is hard to type….that is the funniest poem ever, Michele; and, so very relevant. I recently purchased an Echo Dot, Alexa, and found myself looking for reasons to “converse” with the little gadget…hahahaha. Awesome.🤗😆🤣😎❤

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. That makes me happy – I was laughing when I wrote it. So silly! 😂 It is good to laugh.
      Have fun with your new gadget. One idea will lead to the next and the next and before you know it, you will be writing about her too! I can’t wait. 😁 It is a brave new world! Thanks, Jeff. 🤗 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

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    1. I am so pleased to read you enjoyed my post. Thank you! 😊 Great question! I would be so lost without my Siri man. haha Literally! Except for his meltdown on the freeway the other day, he has been a steadfast captain.😆

      Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thanks so much, Dwight. Men! haha That was a fun and silly write and freeing to go public with my Siri infatuation. 😂 I am not familiar with WAZE, but I will check it out. I am loyal to my hand-held man, but if he loses it too many times, I may have to consider silencing him in the car. He can still tell me jokes and read me bedtime stories, though. 😉

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